Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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