i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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