If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
