Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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