This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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