I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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