I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
