I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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