before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
