I just cut my nipple shaving
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
