You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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