I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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