What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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