Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
