I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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