It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
