me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My pussy is not your playground.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
