she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
