Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
