How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
