My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
