After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
