k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we're so committed to being not committed
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
