Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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