We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
