I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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