I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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