never play flip cup with pint glasses
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
