I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
