My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
