i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
