1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
