can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
