You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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