ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
