I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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