Everything about him screamed your future.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
