she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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