we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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