These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
