My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
