clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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