i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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