just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
