After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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