if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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