Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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