6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
