so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
