WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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