you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
