Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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