I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
