oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
