Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
