It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
