I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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