Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
