On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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