uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
